Call it a Quarterlife Crisis

I think I am going through a growth spurt. Not a physical one, but more of a psychological one. I have always believed that I learn and grow as a person every day, but I'm not so sure that's how it happens for me. Sure, the passing of time inevitably means there will be change and growth but I can narrow it down to a few really distinct periods of time in my life when I have asked more questions, had more inner monologues, done more soul searching and grown as an individual because of it. It is as if my mental capacity to understand the world grows over a couple of weeks or months at a time, just as when my body was growing and I grew 4 inches in one summer. And just like the leg cramps and pain I experienced while my body was growing so fast, the subliminal growth keeps me up at night and makes it hard for me to fall asleep.

Most of the time psychological growth spurts are brought on by major events, be it tragedy or good fortune, or when we come to certain forks in the road and are faced with life-altering decisions. Sometimes though, there are just times in our lives when we inexplicably turn inward. Something sparks a desire to be more contemplative. Right now seems to be such a time for me. I've been analyzing my own life, my own future and have been thinking more deeply about the human condition and state of the world. I've been doing this all to a point of annoyance, quite frankly. A kind of non-stop babbling brook of thoughts and dreams running through my mind.

I have suffered no great tragedy recently nor have I celebrated any great triumph. So, why do I all of a sudden find a crucial message in the lyrics to a song I have heard a million times before? Why do I lay awake at night philosophizing about global warming and how it might affect my unborn children? Even the word philosophizing gives me a headache. Maybe it's because I have a routine and a schedule, and am content with who and where I am, seeing as how I do have an admittedly difficult time with stagnancy. But I'm in New York for goodness sakes. Stagnancy and monotony do not exist in this city that never sleeps. Maybe that's it. Maybe living here has made me go all metaphysical. With so much life and diversity all around, it's hard not to look and think about the world differently.

I'm thinking more, reading more, choosing the music I listen to more particularly. These are not bad things to be doing, I guess I just wish I could control my newfound urge to dissect the world and to focus so much on the future. More simply, I wish I could lay down at night without so many thoughts running through my head. But then again, Socrates said it himself: "The unexamined life is not worth living."

Currently taking advice from the philosopher of all philosophers. Go figure.